É interessante como as vezes eu descubro que algumas pessoas que eu nem poderia imaginar lêem o meu blog. A última pessoa que eu fiquei sabendo que se encaixa nesse perfil foi uma história tipo assim:
"A sua esposa eu sei quem é. Ela tem blog e as vezes fica um tempão sem escrever, né?"
Obviamente quem me contou essa história foi o meu marido, o Dani, de um cara com quem ele estava conversando um dia durante esse tempo que passamos no Brasil.
Para fortalecer a idéia de que eu nunca imaginava que essa pessoa soubesse do meu blog, além de ele ser "um cara" (nada contra vocês leitores homens, mas sei que são minoria!) eu nem o tenho no meu facebook que é onde eu publico os meus posts! Sim, a esposa dele é minha amiga! No face e fora dele. Engraçado ter que fazer essa distinção, mas enfim!
E eu concordo e peço desculpas! Embora essa não seja a minha definição eu admito que sumi do mapa por um bom tempo. Provavelmente o maior tempo que já estive sem escrever no blog.
E venho aqui me explicar, esperançosamente de forma reduzida! E sistemática! Para comemorar o meu lado engenheira. Estou anunciando, nada menos, um post na forma de "lista".
Razões
1. O meu último post. Eu escrevi em inglês sobre aqueles tempos na vida de um casal que uma coisinha ou outra fica incomodando, sabem né? Mas que no fim a gente se resolve! Me arrependi de o ter escrito! O motivo talvez seja uma mistura de eu ter postado talvez algo muito íntimo (apesar de eu não ter muito dessas frescuras) e também pelo fato que eu senti ter sido mal compreendida! Algumas pessoas do nosso menor círculo pessoal, entenda o bom entendor, acharam que eu o Dani estávamos na beira do divórcio. Isso me assustou um pouco! Eu até comecei a escrever um segundo post querendo me explicar melhor, mas deixei para lá! Resolvi optar pelo tempo tratar de esquecer o assunto.
2. Viagem ao Brasil. Para quem ainda não sabe, nós quatro estivémos no Brasil passando um tempo fabuloso com familiares e amigos. Um dos motivos principais era o casamento da minha irmã Ju, que foi lindo e emocionante, gosto muito da Ju e do André e creio realmente que foram feitos um para o outro. E o segundo motivo principal era mudar o status do nosso visto americano. Entre essas duas coisas muito importantes conseguimos encaixar muitas visitas aos parentes e quase parentes e alguns amigos. Estivémos viajando por 4 cidades, uma delas Ilhabela, SP aonde Dani e eu conseguimos viajar a sós pela primeira vez depois que tivémos filhos. Meus sogros gentil e alegremente cuidaram dos nossos pimpolhos enquanto estivémos fora por dois dias! Aliás, foi a nossa primeira (primeira mesmo) viagem à praia só nós dois! Foi tudo ótimo, mas espero que com esse resumido paragráfo eu tenha dado uma idéia do quão ocupados nós estivémos. Para reforçar meu ponto, nem entrar muito em facebook, email, instagram e whatsapp eu consegui. Isso vindo de uma viciada como eu! Para terminar o parágrafo, queria dizer que as fotos de ilhabela eu já editei e publiquei no face, as fotos da nossa viagem ao Brasil como um todo eu ainda não fiz, mas irei fazer!
3. Aniversário da Rebecca. Ou melhor dizendo, festaS de aniversário da Rebecca! Fora uma pequena comemoração no Brasil com cupcakes, brigadeiro e parabéns, nós organizamos duas festinhas para os nossos amigos aqui nos EUA, assim que voltamos de viagem! Chegamos em casa no dia 25/ago, segunda-feira e o aniversário dela já seria no sábado, dia 30/ago. Rebequinha fez 4 aninhos!!! E que mocinha linda que ela tem se tornado! Sobre esse assunto quem sabe algum post separado? Naaah... não vou enganar ninguém, eu não vou dar conta! Então resumindo, uma festa foi no dia 30/08 para nossos amigos americanos da igreja. E a segunda festa para nossos amigos brasileiros, no sábado seguinte! Fizemos hamburgers e... bem, vocês podem checar as fotos no face! Acho que está tudo lá!
4. Rebecca começou a ir na escola! A Rebecca conseguiu ser admitida no pre-K da escola pública aqui dos EUA. Aqui escola de graça começa apenas no kindergarden (aos 5 anos), salvo alguns casos, dentre eles o qual a Rebecca se encaixa: casa bilingue E criança não ser fluente no inglês. Embora ela já fale bastante e tenha um ótimo vacabulário, construcão de pensamento, frases e perguntas mais complexas ela ainda tem muito a melhorar. Voltando no calendário: chegamos na segunda, terça levei ela na escola para uma avaliação e entregar os documentos e fiz o cadastro online, quarta-feira ela já estava indo para o seu primeiro dia aula!!
5. Arrumar a casa! É um fato óbvio mas esquecido por aqueles que não estão envolvidos. Eu fui passar as roupas (as muitaaas roupas) da viagem nesse último domingo! Demorei quase uma semana para guardar todas as tranqueiras que veio na mala! Lavei todos os lençois. E limpei garagem e todos os cantos empoeirados de uma casa que ficou vazia por quase 30 dias. Não é bolinho não. E fora o tanto de viagens ao supermercado que eu fiz nas duas primeiras semanas, entre comprar materiais escolares (em falta em todas as lojas), compras de uma despensa e geladeira vazias, e suprimentos para duas festinhas de aniversário! Foi punk!
6. Nossa vida normal! Sim, some a tudo isso os normais afazeres diários. Cuidar de criança, igreja quase todo dia, levar o Dani no trabalho, cuidar de criança, cozinhar, ir na academia, cuidar de criança, bibliotecas e recentemente, levar a Rebecca na escola, e também na aula de natação!
7. O último ponto. É aquele ponto que eu não sei direito se gostaria de estar mencionando aqui ou não. Mas resolvi ser a minha habitual pessoa sincera (até demais). Eu estou estudando para passar em uma prova que prestarei em 21 de novembro. É a prova que todo engenheiro civil nos EUA precisa passar para poder trabalhar como engenheiro civil. "Como a OAB no Brasil?" Sim. Aqui nos EUA é assim para quase todas as profissões em quase todos os estados. Está errado? Não, acho certo! Eu não queria mencionar isso por motivos óbvios de orgulho. E vai que eu não passo? E vai que depois de passar (espero eu!) eu não encontro emprego? Sim, sim! E vai que! É possível e talvez provável. O fato é que essa questão já vem sendo exaustivamente pesada por nós aqui de casa por um bom tempo! Na verdade fazem quase 2 anos que pensamos nisso e faz pelo menos um ano e meio que eu comprei os primeiros materiais de estudo! O que acontenceu é que com a previsão (cumprida) de que iríamos mudar o meu visto (para um visto que me habilitasse trabalhar), isso se tornou mais concreto. E sou feliz por afirmar que estou conseguindo estudar durante praticamente todo espaço livre que eu encontro! As acrobacias que ando fazendo vocês não imaginam, mas estou estudando umas 4h por dia, em média! Meu objetivo de ter dividido isso aqui é essencialmente de pedir as suas orações (ou a sua torcida) para que tudo saia como é para sair! Pra eu passar nessa prova, depois para o meu discernimento, que ainda não está concluído. E que se for para ser a vontade de Deus para a nossa família, que eu consiga um trabalho na minha área. E se não for na minha área, talvez algo alternativo! Não sei! Só sei que peço sinceramente a sua oração durante todo esse processo! E também a sua paciência por meus sumiços!
Muito obrigada!
Beijos,
Gabi
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Confessions of a Young Married Woman
Mmm, juicy title! But since I tend to be brutal honest in everything that I say/write and do, I must add a disclaimer. I won't say anything that's too personal. Not that I don't want to, I just think I must not!
Dan and I had a very challenging week. The reason why, I won't tell. We had lots of ups and downs while trying to fix the situation. And that's why I'm writing this post. In my blog I like to talk about the good and the bad so people won't think I'm perfect, or that my marriage is perfect, or that my kids are perfect.
There is not such a think, folks! Don't ever let blogs (even good blogs), facebook, instagram or whatever it is to make you believe life is perfect for some people, and yours are far from it! I've been there too! I know how easy it is to think like that when we are so immersed in other people's lives through social media.
The second reason why I want to write about this, it's because I do believe Dan and I have something different that might come in handy for some of you, readers, but that's up to you to take it or leave it. So I'll just do my thing here and (almost) spill the beans!
What I believe we have in our favor that's different from what the world offers to most of us, is that we are stuck together, on our free will. Forever. There is no divorce for us! That's obvious for me to say since I'm a cradle catholic and my parents just taught me that way!
But maybe I've never mentioned to you guys the main motive why Dan wanted to marry me. And it's not a flattering one. When I ask him (maybe trying to extract some compliments to raise up my self-esteem), and I did ask him more than a couple of times in the 6 years time period, his answer is always the same and that's how I know he is saying the truth and not trying to impress or maybe just trying to guess what the "right-must-say-it-answer-this-woman-wants-from-me".
He says he knew I was the one for him because he was sure we wouldn't get divorced. Ever.
I can imagine some of you rolling your eyes and thinking, "what a bullshit". Well, folks, that's not a bullshit, and the non religious MAN that Dan was before he met me said it first to prove it. So it's completely normal for people to wish for a marriage that will last until death sets us apart, and I'm trying to say it's quite possible too.
Now I can imagine some of you thinking "what good it is to have a marriage that it will last forever if your marriage is falling apart and both of them are unhappy?" I hear and heart you my friend! But you see, that's not how it works. When TWO people want the marriage to last forever we also want and believe we can overcome anything that comes our way. In other words, we zeal for our marriage. We don't let things get escalated to the breaking point, or to the unhappiness point. We want our marriage to work so badly, that both us try our best to not to put our marriage in danger and to always forgive, to always communicate, to always try to solve things (and "things" will come, friend) and finally to find ways to feel in love for that one special person again. (For some ideas, just check the web or go straight to pinterest. There are lot of good stuff out there!)
Of course we don't take it for granted. I know I sound like I'm contradicting myself, but let me explain it better. What I'm saying is that no one knows the future. And people might change. And big "things" (let's keep it general) might "happen". That one of us might screw things pretty bad one day. Sure, it can happen! But I'm positively sure that to be conscious of it, to fear it, turns it into something else that also favors our cause. We know it can happen, we fear it, we don't want it, thus we work on it! That means, we are people more likely to not put ourselves in danger of falling into temptations. And temptations are everywhere, we all know that!
I would like to say I think like this because I'm a catholic, that is, because of God. But that would be only a fraction of the truth. I think I mainly do it because I love Dan. Because I remember why I wanted to marry him. Because, sure, we have kids together, etc. So this is for everyone folks. Not only the catholic ones. I believe it's something really natural to people. I could write one thousand of reasons why I believe this, but that's not my goal.
Hey, I'm not trying to diminish anyone in here. I know some of your might be divorced. Some of you might have your parents divorced. And I feel your pain, even if you don't feel it anymore. Sometimes, for you or your parents there is nothing else to do about it. We can't go back in time. But, for some of you, yes, there would be something you could do if you wanted it. If you would swallow your pride, try to see the other side, to think about the other person's feelings. To recognize your wrong doing and man up (or woman up), and ask for forgiveness. And then, to swallow your pride one more time and to truly forgive.
Forgiveness.
My marriage isn't perfect. From time to time, "things" show up and rub its lying-growing-wooded-nose on our faces trying to put us down. To shatter our worlds. Well, we just keep on fighting. It's worth it. You might not believe it's worth it sometimes. But let the storm calm down. Let the other approach you (or maybe it's you who must make the first move) with words of forgiveness or asking for it. You will feel it. You will feel that relieving feeling of having him, or her back to comfort you. To be there for you. You are mates and dates forever! It's all you really wanted.
And the best is yet to come! I know this because, in almost six years of marriage, we are improving each year in how we deal with problems, in how we work not to get in trouble, in how we forgive. There are bumps every now and then. But in general, it's very obvious we are getting better with time!
"This too shall pass".
Love,
Gabby
Dan and I had a very challenging week. The reason why, I won't tell. We had lots of ups and downs while trying to fix the situation. And that's why I'm writing this post. In my blog I like to talk about the good and the bad so people won't think I'm perfect, or that my marriage is perfect, or that my kids are perfect.
There is not such a think, folks! Don't ever let blogs (even good blogs), facebook, instagram or whatever it is to make you believe life is perfect for some people, and yours are far from it! I've been there too! I know how easy it is to think like that when we are so immersed in other people's lives through social media.
The second reason why I want to write about this, it's because I do believe Dan and I have something different that might come in handy for some of you, readers, but that's up to you to take it or leave it. So I'll just do my thing here and (almost) spill the beans!
What I believe we have in our favor that's different from what the world offers to most of us, is that we are stuck together, on our free will. Forever. There is no divorce for us! That's obvious for me to say since I'm a cradle catholic and my parents just taught me that way!
But maybe I've never mentioned to you guys the main motive why Dan wanted to marry me. And it's not a flattering one. When I ask him (maybe trying to extract some compliments to raise up my self-esteem), and I did ask him more than a couple of times in the 6 years time period, his answer is always the same and that's how I know he is saying the truth and not trying to impress or maybe just trying to guess what the "right-must-say-it-answer-this-woman-wants-from-me".
He says he knew I was the one for him because he was sure we wouldn't get divorced. Ever.
I can imagine some of you rolling your eyes and thinking, "what a bullshit". Well, folks, that's not a bullshit, and the non religious MAN that Dan was before he met me said it first to prove it. So it's completely normal for people to wish for a marriage that will last until death sets us apart, and I'm trying to say it's quite possible too.
Now I can imagine some of you thinking "what good it is to have a marriage that it will last forever if your marriage is falling apart and both of them are unhappy?" I hear and heart you my friend! But you see, that's not how it works. When TWO people want the marriage to last forever we also want and believe we can overcome anything that comes our way. In other words, we zeal for our marriage. We don't let things get escalated to the breaking point, or to the unhappiness point. We want our marriage to work so badly, that both us try our best to not to put our marriage in danger and to always forgive, to always communicate, to always try to solve things (and "things" will come, friend) and finally to find ways to feel in love for that one special person again. (For some ideas, just check the web or go straight to pinterest. There are lot of good stuff out there!)
Of course we don't take it for granted. I know I sound like I'm contradicting myself, but let me explain it better. What I'm saying is that no one knows the future. And people might change. And big "things" (let's keep it general) might "happen". That one of us might screw things pretty bad one day. Sure, it can happen! But I'm positively sure that to be conscious of it, to fear it, turns it into something else that also favors our cause. We know it can happen, we fear it, we don't want it, thus we work on it! That means, we are people more likely to not put ourselves in danger of falling into temptations. And temptations are everywhere, we all know that!
I would like to say I think like this because I'm a catholic, that is, because of God. But that would be only a fraction of the truth. I think I mainly do it because I love Dan. Because I remember why I wanted to marry him. Because, sure, we have kids together, etc. So this is for everyone folks. Not only the catholic ones. I believe it's something really natural to people. I could write one thousand of reasons why I believe this, but that's not my goal.
Hey, I'm not trying to diminish anyone in here. I know some of your might be divorced. Some of you might have your parents divorced. And I feel your pain, even if you don't feel it anymore. Sometimes, for you or your parents there is nothing else to do about it. We can't go back in time. But, for some of you, yes, there would be something you could do if you wanted it. If you would swallow your pride, try to see the other side, to think about the other person's feelings. To recognize your wrong doing and man up (or woman up), and ask for forgiveness. And then, to swallow your pride one more time and to truly forgive.
Forgiveness.
My marriage isn't perfect. From time to time, "things" show up and rub its lying-growing-wooded-nose on our faces trying to put us down. To shatter our worlds. Well, we just keep on fighting. It's worth it. You might not believe it's worth it sometimes. But let the storm calm down. Let the other approach you (or maybe it's you who must make the first move) with words of forgiveness or asking for it. You will feel it. You will feel that relieving feeling of having him, or her back to comfort you. To be there for you. You are mates and dates forever! It's all you really wanted.
And the best is yet to come! I know this because, in almost six years of marriage, we are improving each year in how we deal with problems, in how we work not to get in trouble, in how we forgive. There are bumps every now and then. But in general, it's very obvious we are getting better with time!
"This too shall pass".
Love,
Gabby
Friday, May 23, 2014
Saga do Diploma Perdido
Essa vai ser uma história parecida com aquela da Rebecca e das chaves! Se você ainda não leu esse post e gostaria de ler aqui vai o link.
Eu precisava achar o diploma de doutorado do Dani. Ok, não era essencial que eu o achasse pois tinhámos outras alternativas, como por exemplo requisitar uma nova cópia, mas isso envolveria mais tempo, trabalho e dinheiro.
Enfim, na quarta-feira eu tinha procurado em todas as caixas e gavetas que eu consegui pensar! Dei uma olhada em cima das prateleiras dos closets, e nada! Sinceramente, eu não conseguia pensar aonde mais procurar!
O Dani procurou no lab e também não estava lá, como já era esperado! Sabíamos que estava em casa, mas eu não o estava achando em nenhum lugar! E como o diploma era grande, dentro de um envolope grande (como assim eu julgava ser), era muito estranho que eu ainda não o tivesse encontrado.
Hoje voltando da academia me deu aquele bug da limpeza, sabe? A minha casa estava cheia de maloquinhas espalhadas e eu não aguentava mais olhar pra toda essa bagunça. Recolhi as revistas da mesa de jantar e fui colocá-las dentro da caixa que eu guardo todas as minhas revistas!
E acabei meio que perdendo um tempinho selecionando as revistas que eu ainda não tinha lido E as quais eu gostaria de ler. Ps. Tem uma revista que chega aqui em casa chamada "Journal" e adoro uma das seções chamada "Can This Marriage Be Saved". Traz histórias verídicas sobre casos de terapia matrimonial com questões muito interessantes e como que a terapia está ajudando os casais. É bem interessante! Então eu estava selecionando todas as revistas Journal que ainda não tinha lido a seção que eu tanto gosto!
Enquanto isso, é claro, aproveitei para mais uma vez procurar o tal diploma dentro das caixas! Quando acabei de olhar as três caixas e meio frustrada mas conformada por mais uma vez não ter encontrado o diploma resolvi que era hora de ir comer alguma coisinha, porque academia dá muita fome, não é??
Levantei, mas dai veio na cabeça AQUELA conversa com Deus!
"Meu Deus, não é engraçado que nesse exato momento que eu estou procurando sem sucesso esse diploma, Você sabe exatamente aonde ele está? Eu bem sei que não é sempre que as coisas devem funcionar assim mas, se Você quiser, poderia me inspirar agorinha pra eu ir procurar no exato lugar aonde ele está." Pensando mais em como Deus, se Ele quiser, Ele tem o poder de o fazer!
Foi isso. Automaticamente sem realmente pensar no que estava fazendo, virei 180 graus. Olhei pra cima. Tinha uma sacola verde em cima da prateleira. Eu pensei! "É, eu não olhei dentro daquela sacola, mas eu sei que lá eu guardo o colchão inflável. Mas né? Vamos dar uma olhadinha porque não custa nada!"
Sério gente, quase que eu não ia subir pra checar porque enquanto eu arrumava as revistas eu tinha sentado ajoelhada e minhas pernas estavam meio bambas! Mas subi no banquinho mesmo assim. Olhei a sacola!
"É, realmente eu estava certa! Aqui só tem o colchão inflável".
Gente, dai nem sei como que se sucedeu, mas não é que atrás da sacola - eu tive meio que levantar pra ver - estava o ROLO do diploma!!!!! Não estava em um envelope como eu pensava/lembrava! Mas sim dentro de um rolo branco, jogado ao fundo da alta prateleira disfarçado por serem ambos da mesma cor, atrás da sacola verde!!!
Tudo isso que escrevi não durou mais que um minuto!!
Eu não tive dúvida nenhuma que Deus realmente tinha resolvido me dar aquela graça de inspiração, do mesmo jeito que eu tinha raciocinado e pedido!! É muito interessante quando acontece isso! É uma certeza que vem de dentro! Sentimento quase inexplicável.
Eu precisava achar o diploma de doutorado do Dani. Ok, não era essencial que eu o achasse pois tinhámos outras alternativas, como por exemplo requisitar uma nova cópia, mas isso envolveria mais tempo, trabalho e dinheiro.
Enfim, na quarta-feira eu tinha procurado em todas as caixas e gavetas que eu consegui pensar! Dei uma olhada em cima das prateleiras dos closets, e nada! Sinceramente, eu não conseguia pensar aonde mais procurar!
O Dani procurou no lab e também não estava lá, como já era esperado! Sabíamos que estava em casa, mas eu não o estava achando em nenhum lugar! E como o diploma era grande, dentro de um envolope grande (como assim eu julgava ser), era muito estranho que eu ainda não o tivesse encontrado.
Hoje voltando da academia me deu aquele bug da limpeza, sabe? A minha casa estava cheia de maloquinhas espalhadas e eu não aguentava mais olhar pra toda essa bagunça. Recolhi as revistas da mesa de jantar e fui colocá-las dentro da caixa que eu guardo todas as minhas revistas!
E acabei meio que perdendo um tempinho selecionando as revistas que eu ainda não tinha lido E as quais eu gostaria de ler. Ps. Tem uma revista que chega aqui em casa chamada "Journal" e adoro uma das seções chamada "Can This Marriage Be Saved". Traz histórias verídicas sobre casos de terapia matrimonial com questões muito interessantes e como que a terapia está ajudando os casais. É bem interessante! Então eu estava selecionando todas as revistas Journal que ainda não tinha lido a seção que eu tanto gosto!
Enquanto isso, é claro, aproveitei para mais uma vez procurar o tal diploma dentro das caixas! Quando acabei de olhar as três caixas e meio frustrada mas conformada por mais uma vez não ter encontrado o diploma resolvi que era hora de ir comer alguma coisinha, porque academia dá muita fome, não é??
Levantei, mas dai veio na cabeça AQUELA conversa com Deus!
"Meu Deus, não é engraçado que nesse exato momento que eu estou procurando sem sucesso esse diploma, Você sabe exatamente aonde ele está? Eu bem sei que não é sempre que as coisas devem funcionar assim mas, se Você quiser, poderia me inspirar agorinha pra eu ir procurar no exato lugar aonde ele está." Pensando mais em como Deus, se Ele quiser, Ele tem o poder de o fazer!
Foi isso. Automaticamente sem realmente pensar no que estava fazendo, virei 180 graus. Olhei pra cima. Tinha uma sacola verde em cima da prateleira. Eu pensei! "É, eu não olhei dentro daquela sacola, mas eu sei que lá eu guardo o colchão inflável. Mas né? Vamos dar uma olhadinha porque não custa nada!"
Sério gente, quase que eu não ia subir pra checar porque enquanto eu arrumava as revistas eu tinha sentado ajoelhada e minhas pernas estavam meio bambas! Mas subi no banquinho mesmo assim. Olhei a sacola!
"É, realmente eu estava certa! Aqui só tem o colchão inflável".
Gente, dai nem sei como que se sucedeu, mas não é que atrás da sacola - eu tive meio que levantar pra ver - estava o ROLO do diploma!!!!! Não estava em um envelope como eu pensava/lembrava! Mas sim dentro de um rolo branco, jogado ao fundo da alta prateleira disfarçado por serem ambos da mesma cor, atrás da sacola verde!!!
Tudo isso que escrevi não durou mais que um minuto!!
Eu não tive dúvida nenhuma que Deus realmente tinha resolvido me dar aquela graça de inspiração, do mesmo jeito que eu tinha raciocinado e pedido!! É muito interessante quando acontece isso! É uma certeza que vem de dentro! Sentimento quase inexplicável.
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
A lesson for me from Amy
This morning my two kids and I attended a certain event organized by the catholic homeschooling group of our area. Although I don’t have kids in school age yet, I got to know some of the moms that are part of this group and they invited me over to come to our May Crowning celebration.
Ps. May is the month that we catholics traditionally celebrate the Mother of God and our Mother, Mary. Our May crowning constituted of all the adorable kids and moms walking around the church building intoning the praises of Mary (some of them are: Virgin Most Holy, Mother of God, Queen of Peace, etc) followed by the response: “pray for us”. Then one of the kids puts a crown of flowers on a Mary statue and we offer some flowers, like we would do to our own mothers.
Well, before the Mary crowning celebration some of the families attended the 10am mass. Our family was one of the them. If you have been reading this blog for a while you would know that the kids and I always go to church to attend the daily mass. Well, what most of you must not be aware of is that for a couple of months already it has been very tiring and very energy consuming to take the kids with me and trying to make them behave at church. It has become nearly impossible to achieve the latter.
What usually results from this it’s a worn out momma who really didn’t pay any attention to mass, some (just a few, fortunately) cranky people who don’t want to hear my children’s noise AND myself feeling humiliated.
Well, of course! A lot comes to my mind when I’m having a bad day with the kids. Thoughts like: “people must really feel like I’m not doing enough to keep my children quiet”, “people think I’m a really bad educator”, “people question my values and what I’m teaching my children”, “people question my decision to take my kids to church”, “people are getting tired of hearing my children’s noise and blame me for being inconsiderate with others”. And so on.
And what follows all of these thoughts it’s me doing a cranky face. An ugly face. Fuming and huffing. My subconscious must feel that by showing all these faces and huffing sounds I give the message that “it’s not my fault”, “it’s very hard on me too” and “I DON’T AGREE WITH WHAT THEY ARE DOING EITHER BUT I’M REALLY TRYING, OK?!!!”.
And today at Mass, it was one of the worst days so far for me and the kids. And there were so many moms there, I knew everyone could hear us from OUTSIDE the church’s doors. So when the mass and the Mary crowning was over, I still had some of these thoughts in my mind. One of the moms came to introduce herself to me. She had many small children. I said something and she said another, and I could feel we connected. She must be one sweet mom. She clearly seemed to me a good person. And so smiling.
But then comes troll Gabby with her nonsense responses causing everything to go downhill. She complimented Nico on being so cute. To which I respond: “And loud”. She graciously responded although I could feel she was thrown back a little “that’s their job”. I laughed and added the cherry on top to seal the deal “he is very good at it”. The conversation was over right there and the good impression and sympathy she must have felt for me at the beginning probably went out of window. Well, If I was her, I would certainly not have wanted to be friends with someone as cranky as I am and someone who keeps joking about what is not funny at all. Someone who can’t deal with child problems and someone who can’t be nice, actually. Someone who isn’t sweet.
And only today I’ve realized (ok, not only today, it has being happening for a while already) that the message that really gets through when I'm giving away all these signs it’s that I really hate my job. That I regret being a mom. That being a mom, sucks! That I don’t love my children enough to bear with them. And while it might be true that I could work on some more patience and more love, that’s not at all how I feel about motherhood!
I love being a mom and I love my children so much. I could kiss and hug and snuggle them all day. I love their smiles and we have lots of fun together! And I’m not cranky all the time. Possibly not even on the majority of time. My children make me a better person and I don’t regret at all any of it. Sure I would like a lot of things to be different and better. But I’m reasonable enough to understand that no one can achieve that on anything. That’s how life is. That’s how people are!
When I come to think about this, it comes to my mind a small of part of a lyric from a great Brazilian poet singer Caetano Veloso: “Cada um sabe a dor e a delícia de ser o que é.” Meaning “which one of us knows the pain and the delight of being who we are”. Also very true for every single happening in our lives.
That’s why it is so important for me to put on a good face when things don’t go my away. It’s not a matter of faking a joy that I don’t feel. But it is really because I’m not sending the message I wanted to. And that kids are actually great! To have a family is great. The process of educating and forming your child will make you a better person. And that’s good! It’s very good! The love you will feel for your kids will surprise you every single day. The worry for them will determine all of your actions. You'll hurt when they get hurt. You will smile when they smile. You’ll think of them constantly like when we do in the early stages of falling in love with someone.
So yes! I’m not faking at all when I’m trying to put on a good face for others! And as a result, it will also make me a better person. Because all the things that pester me when my children are being - well, children, it’s because I’m focusing on me. In my image. In my lack of patience and self-giving.
I wish I could be more like Amy, the sweet mom I’ve just met. I don’t actually know any more about her. But the smile and sweetness of her voice and the lessons she taught me by not even trying to do so, I hope they will last enough on my mind and heart in order for me to change my temper a bit. My family and friends will benefit from it.
Ps. May is the month that we catholics traditionally celebrate the Mother of God and our Mother, Mary. Our May crowning constituted of all the adorable kids and moms walking around the church building intoning the praises of Mary (some of them are: Virgin Most Holy, Mother of God, Queen of Peace, etc) followed by the response: “pray for us”. Then one of the kids puts a crown of flowers on a Mary statue and we offer some flowers, like we would do to our own mothers.
Well, before the Mary crowning celebration some of the families attended the 10am mass. Our family was one of the them. If you have been reading this blog for a while you would know that the kids and I always go to church to attend the daily mass. Well, what most of you must not be aware of is that for a couple of months already it has been very tiring and very energy consuming to take the kids with me and trying to make them behave at church. It has become nearly impossible to achieve the latter.
What usually results from this it’s a worn out momma who really didn’t pay any attention to mass, some (just a few, fortunately) cranky people who don’t want to hear my children’s noise AND myself feeling humiliated.
Well, of course! A lot comes to my mind when I’m having a bad day with the kids. Thoughts like: “people must really feel like I’m not doing enough to keep my children quiet”, “people think I’m a really bad educator”, “people question my values and what I’m teaching my children”, “people question my decision to take my kids to church”, “people are getting tired of hearing my children’s noise and blame me for being inconsiderate with others”. And so on.
And what follows all of these thoughts it’s me doing a cranky face. An ugly face. Fuming and huffing. My subconscious must feel that by showing all these faces and huffing sounds I give the message that “it’s not my fault”, “it’s very hard on me too” and “I DON’T AGREE WITH WHAT THEY ARE DOING EITHER BUT I’M REALLY TRYING, OK?!!!”.
And today at Mass, it was one of the worst days so far for me and the kids. And there were so many moms there, I knew everyone could hear us from OUTSIDE the church’s doors. So when the mass and the Mary crowning was over, I still had some of these thoughts in my mind. One of the moms came to introduce herself to me. She had many small children. I said something and she said another, and I could feel we connected. She must be one sweet mom. She clearly seemed to me a good person. And so smiling.
But then comes troll Gabby with her nonsense responses causing everything to go downhill. She complimented Nico on being so cute. To which I respond: “And loud”. She graciously responded although I could feel she was thrown back a little “that’s their job”. I laughed and added the cherry on top to seal the deal “he is very good at it”. The conversation was over right there and the good impression and sympathy she must have felt for me at the beginning probably went out of window. Well, If I was her, I would certainly not have wanted to be friends with someone as cranky as I am and someone who keeps joking about what is not funny at all. Someone who can’t deal with child problems and someone who can’t be nice, actually. Someone who isn’t sweet.
And only today I’ve realized (ok, not only today, it has being happening for a while already) that the message that really gets through when I'm giving away all these signs it’s that I really hate my job. That I regret being a mom. That being a mom, sucks! That I don’t love my children enough to bear with them. And while it might be true that I could work on some more patience and more love, that’s not at all how I feel about motherhood!
I love being a mom and I love my children so much. I could kiss and hug and snuggle them all day. I love their smiles and we have lots of fun together! And I’m not cranky all the time. Possibly not even on the majority of time. My children make me a better person and I don’t regret at all any of it. Sure I would like a lot of things to be different and better. But I’m reasonable enough to understand that no one can achieve that on anything. That’s how life is. That’s how people are!
When I come to think about this, it comes to my mind a small of part of a lyric from a great Brazilian poet singer Caetano Veloso: “Cada um sabe a dor e a delícia de ser o que é.” Meaning “which one of us knows the pain and the delight of being who we are”. Also very true for every single happening in our lives.
That’s why it is so important for me to put on a good face when things don’t go my away. It’s not a matter of faking a joy that I don’t feel. But it is really because I’m not sending the message I wanted to. And that kids are actually great! To have a family is great. The process of educating and forming your child will make you a better person. And that’s good! It’s very good! The love you will feel for your kids will surprise you every single day. The worry for them will determine all of your actions. You'll hurt when they get hurt. You will smile when they smile. You’ll think of them constantly like when we do in the early stages of falling in love with someone.
So yes! I’m not faking at all when I’m trying to put on a good face for others! And as a result, it will also make me a better person. Because all the things that pester me when my children are being - well, children, it’s because I’m focusing on me. In my image. In my lack of patience and self-giving.
I wish I could be more like Amy, the sweet mom I’ve just met. I don’t actually know any more about her. But the smile and sweetness of her voice and the lessons she taught me by not even trying to do so, I hope they will last enough on my mind and heart in order for me to change my temper a bit. My family and friends will benefit from it.
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