Sorry for the delay but I'm back!
So in sum I was telling that D was getting really interested on me and I - after being kinda in love with him first - was getting NOT interested on him anymore. D was trying an approach and I was avoiding it! There was going to be a party! D went to the party and I didn't. And D met another girl at the party (although it was nothing serious) and even though he didn't tell me that, I figured that out and I got "crazy". So I was under pressure to go meet him on the next party, on the next thursday! (Thursday is "party day" at Unicamp!)
So D told me that he was going to that next party and I saw that as a hint to me. I was really not willing to go but I didn't want to give him away to someone else. So I was trying to find an excuse to go to that party without showing him my real concern (of losing him). And then I found it! My friend Marcito was going to spend six months on Spain on a exchange program and he told everyone to go to that party as a farewell party to him. I wasn't one of his best friend but never mind, I found my excuse! Besides, my friends were also going, so I had more reasons to go too! But D thought I wasn't going so I had to find a way to let him know that I was actually going to the party.
So D and I were talking on msn on that fateful Thursday, early evening, and I asked him:
Me: "So... you are going to that party tonight, aren't you?"
D: "Yeah... I am almost leaving. I am just finishing something on my work. Well... I guess you are not going, huh?"
Me: "Hum, actually.... I am!" - and I soon added my fake excuse so I would not look so dumb.
D: "Oh, that's very good!! So, I guess I'll see you there!!" - and he seemed really happy about it.
Ok, so you can imagine my anticipation. We kinda set we would meet each other (which means we were suppose to look for each other there) and still, I wasn't sure in what I was getting myself into.
So I remember I was getting myself ready at my friend's apt and I was feeling really unattractive! At that time I was a little overweight (Believe me! I was weighting 16 lb more that I do today!) and my outfit was not fitting together as I wanted. Let's say I wasn't comfortable with myself. But there was not much I could do besides putting up some make up and waiting to meet D hoping he would not notice it too much! So, my friends and I left for the party. It was kinda early, like 10pm or 10:30pm.
Just a little parentheses here: parties inside the campus in Unicamp are forbidden now and also when I was studying there. BUT, this party I am telling you about was the only party Unicamp allowed, don't know why. It was called IELsubmarine (paraphrasing the song's tittle "Yellow Submarine" from The Beatles) - IEL (the language institute) is the place at Unicamp where the party was taking place. So it was something cool. There was a Beatles cover band playing really well, there was some illumination and policing provided by the university.
So my friends and I finally left for the party. And there we were, getting used to the place, but after only 10 min we had arrived there I listened from behind me:
D: "Gabi?"
I looked behind me and saw D. I froze! I Couldn't believe that he would find me there so soon. I haven't even had time to breath or think and now there was nothing else to do other than endure that situation. Well, but I guess I managed to find out some other option... I said "hi" and some other silly things and said "bye bye, I will go with my friends now" after a minute or two of conversation!!! lol Please try to understand that I am not very good at these things and to do something like that it's pretty much like me! I didn't think well in what I was doing and I did it! Said bye bye to him in a very strange way! This was like saying: "I don't want anything to do with you, so why don't you go away?".
After that I couldn't stop talking to my friends about what I have done. I was thinking and fearing that he would never speak with me again, that he would not look for me at that party anymore, and etc. I can imagine how boring I was getting to my friends who had to listen to all of that, but I couldn't stop talking. I'VE MESSED UP EVERYTHING!
And I was in the middle of this unending self-punishment for about 15 min and then D showed up by my side again with a "what's up?", while all of my friends were standing there! At that time I remember I could only think that he was crazy!! haha Who would do that? Who would be so self assured that after receiving that "good bye" would come back again, at the same night, actually after only 15 min, and come alone to a circle of 5 girls or so? Crazy!!
Well I guess my friends were so fed up with my self complaining that they immediately left me alone with him. And I was completely aware that, this time I couldn't do the same thing I had done 15 min before. I would have to stick with him and at least talk to him for a while (for more than 5 min, let's say!) And so I did it! For my relief, D was pretty easy to engage a conversation with. And we ended up talking for more than 2h. I remember we talked about everything. He even told me about his family, which I think it's nice. Anyway, I could notice more and more the great guy he is, and besides that, he was very pleasant to be with. We talked in a very natural way and he didn't try anything, which I think it was crucial for the final result.
And the final result was that we kissed by the end of that 2 hours of conversation. Yeah... the things is, while we were talking I was just thinking that I couldn't not kiss him by the end of the party. We were talking for more than two hours, and I wasn't feeling brave enough to engage in all that talking about "I'm only for serious relationships" if he ended up trying to kiss me. So when he finally tried it, I allowed it.
I remember that we didn't spend much time together after kissing for the first time. I was used to come back home from parties not so late so when I thought it was late enough I asked him a drive home. The thing is, he didn't ask for my number!!! And that was kinda bugging me. I know we would eventually talk on msn again, but it was so common for a guy to ask for a girl's number that I thought it was pretty odd that he hasn't asked mine. I was just thinking with myself: "well, you asked for this. You didn't say anything about commitment to him. You canN'T expect anything else." So, I remember I wasn't happy at home that night fearing that he could/would not want to date me, anyway.
The end of the fifth part!
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